The Empty Nest and The Empowerment of Elderly People – A Challenge to the Pastoral Care and Counselling Ministry in the Indian Context in the Present Scenario.

The Empty Nest and The Empowerment of Elderly People – A Challenge to Pastoral Care and Counselling Ministry in the Indian Context in the Present Scenario.

Rev. S. Dhanaraj

Introduction

We are living in an age of rapid social change. As a result of urbanization, modernization and technological, advanced communication techniques, one of the most important and ancient human institutions, the family, is also being affected. Joseph George says that these changes have affected the socialization processes, impacting personality development, attitudinal change, and behavioural patterns. Belief systems, values, roles, relationships, functions, and expectations have changed, impacting personal behaviour and family interactions.[1]

One cannot underestimate the fact that the family, the cornerstone of primary relationships in India, is undergoing numerous and significant changes in structure and development. The problem of the ‘Empty Nest’ phenomenon is one of the changes which affect Indian families to a great extent. Due to occupational reasons and better prospects, children from both villages and cities are found to leave their homes and settle in urban centers or cosmopolitan cities. Most of those who seek employment in urban centers within India, too, are inclined to settle in cities due to their children’s education and aspirations.

Hence, this paper is an attempt to analyse the various problems faced by the aged/elderly people related to Empty Nest phenomenon and the challenges it poses to the victims, their families, the church and the society on the whole, and draw a fitting pastoral response from the perspective of pastoral care and counselling in the Indian context.

Aging In General

Aging (and the aged) represent a peculiar phenomenon in human life. The study of aging, a multi-disciplinary endeavour, can be discussed at four levels: biological, psychological, sociological, and psycho-social:

Biological or physical factors are most often associated with physiological changes and are closely related to chronological age. Physiological change of the elderly is characterized by a decline of the functional capacities and structural change.[2] Physical changes bring higher health risks and greater susceptibility to illness. Apart from chronic diseases, impaired vision, loss of hearing, loss of memory, disability such as paralysis, deformity of limbs, and dysfunction of joints are the common physical deformities of the elderly people in India.
Psychological factors which affect the emotional status of a person refers to the general decline in mental abilities that accompany old age.[3] Loneliness, anxiety, fear, pain, grief, guilt, and anger are the common emotional reactions to the losses experienced by the aged/elderly people. The environmental changes in their lives also create lot of emotional problems.
Aged/elderly people are often affected by depression because they feel unloved, unwanted, and guilty about being non-productive. When a friend or close relative dies and family members move away, loneliness settles like a thick dark cloud. Widowhood and other problems compound the sense of frustration.[4] During my house visits to the elderly people’s home, they often describe their loneliness in terms of grief due to the loss of a loved one (spouse) and a sense of alienation from their social world/society.
Sociological factors come under the purview of changes in social roles and habits relative to one’s group or society, e.g., loss of spouse, retirement, failing of health, loss of status, decreases in social contact, and so on. It can also designate elevation of status in the family, church, and society. Elderly people’s sociological changes pertain to the changes in the circumstances of the individual in relation to one’s family, the community, and society at large.
Psycho-social factors involve changes in personality, needs, expectations, behaviour, status and roles in relation to others.[5] While we define aging as the physical, psychological or behavioural transition in a person’s functional capacities, the problem of the Empty Nest phenomenon involves all the above aspects of aging which demand new and creative response.

Financial Status

a. Retirement and dependence of elderly people on their children for their basic necessities.

b. Migration of young working age persons from rural areas has negative impacts on the elderly persons, living alone or with only the spouse, usually poverty and distress.

c. Insufficient housing facility.

d. A national survey carried out by the Help Age India has shown that as many as 47% of the elderly people are economically dependent on their families for income and 34% relied on pensions and other government schemes.[6]

e. Increased prices of household articles and medicines which make them vulnerable and are an additional burden to their financial condition.

Ageism

Ageism is an unhealthy phenomenon in the lives of many elderly people. This may be due to society’s stereotype of the elderly as people who are unhealthy, inactive, rigid, and vulnerable to society. Many even conceive of aging as a third sex.

Sometimes, the younger generation separates themselves comfortably from old people and relegates them to an inferior status, maintaining a psychological distance from them. This type of prejudiced or negative stereotypical attitude towards aged people is referred to as ‘ageism’.[7] In a pastoral context, ‘ageism’ may lead to one’s viewing the needs and problems of the aged, especially aged couples in the Empty Nest context, in a negative way, which can hinder ministry to the aged.[8]

Empty Nest

Empty Nest is a term that refers to a stage or phenomenon when the last child leaves home, creating a vacuum in the family.

Empty Nest Syndrome

It is the feeling of loss or sadness when children leave home to attend school for the first time or when the child has graduated and goes away to college or when a child leaves home after marriage. While more common in women, it happens to both sexes. If the mother is the primary caregiver for her child, she often experiences a sense of loss of worthiness. Missing the involvement in her child’s everyday activities, a mother may have a temporary identity crisis, role loss ,and a lowered sense of well-being. These feelings, if not addressed, can lead to depression and anxiety. Unaccountable tears and emotionalism after a child has left are some of the signs of Empty Nest Syndrome.[9] The crisis of the departure of the last child may coincide with menopause, making the disturbance even greater for mothers.[10]

The Empty Nest phenomenon in Indian Family Life

The Empty Nest phenomenon in India affects families to a great extent. In India the recent phenomenon of the Empty Nest usually occurs in the ‘Aging phase’ of family development. Mahajan states that the problems associated with the aged are the outcome of physical, psychological, social, religious, environmental, and cultural factors.[11] Let us look into the aspects of how it affects physical health and emotional well-being.

Case Study

Prof. Henry and Prof. Shantha[12] are retired professors from a reputed college. They belong to our TELC church in Coimbatore, Tamilnadu State, South India.. He is 63, and his wife is 60. They live on pension, they have 4 children. The eldest son, who is the Lieutenant Colonel in Patiala (Punjab), has married a North Indian girl. He has two daughters. His second son is a computer engineer, married and settled in Kansas City, USA. The third son, after completing his MBA, is working as an executive in Laos (Nigeria). He also lives there with his family. They have a daughter who is a doctor and is settled in Abu Dhabi with her family.

Both the parents live in their own Bungalow in Coimbatore. Their daughter’s wedding was held in our church in 2022. Until their daughter got married, they both were of sound health and of good cheer. After the daughter left for Abu Dhabi, they lost all their zeal and stayed home all the time. Nothing stirs the blood of the parents like separation from their children. The mother felt especially lonely. Once, she shared with me that the sorrows of missing her children hit her in waves. She discovered that she especially misses her daughter’s company and late-night conversations. She said that she was overwhelmed by the sense of loneliness, even though her husband was close beside her. Her husband expressed that for the first time in their 40 years together, they were together in their own home for an extended period of time without children. The parents wonder: will my daughter make it on her own? When the nest was full, they were very comfortable and happy. When their nest became empty, it affected their living. Prof. Shantha (wife) was irresistible to minor problems and was used to sleepless nights. She became depressed. Also Prof. Shantha (wife) underwent a by-pass surgery. She appeared very slim. Since they are not able to look after themselves, they have appointed a person to help them.

Unexpectedly, the husband (Prof. Hendry) was affected with urinary infection and gastric problems. He had a block in the heart. He was admitted in CMC hospital Vellore and was also treated. Once again, the nest became full. All their children came down for a visit; though they urged their parents to live with them abroad, they wanted to spend their old age in their own land and wanted to be gathered at the graveyard with their relatives. So they refused to go with their children.

After three months, when they returned from Vellore, I went for a visit with my wife. We enquired them about their health and prayed with them. Recently their eldest son decided to admit his daughter in Karunya Engineering College in Coimbatore for higher studies. He sent his daughter to live with his parents. On the arrival of their granddaughter, they became very happy and started with their busy routine.

The husband, Prof. Henry volunteered to drop off and pick up their granddaughter to and from the college, and the lady (Prof. Shantha) started an evening walk with her granddaughter. Food consumption increased for the betterment of her health. Though they hadn’t returned to their youth, they started to renew their strength on the arrival of a new bird in their nest. It is no longer an empty nest. They encouraged themselves by taking part in worship services and shopping with their grand daughter and so on.

My Observation

Though there are several issues in this case that can be analyzed with the theory of Robert Peck’s reworking of Erikson’s Final Stage perspective, some important issues are listed here as they are important for the person, the family, the church, and society at large.

1. “Prof. Henry and Prof. Shantha are the retired Professors”. The loss of a specific social or family role can be referred to as a ‘role loss’. For e.g. parenting, child rearing, and retirement.[13]

2. Prof. Shantha discovered that she especially missed her daughter’s company and late-night conversations. In an Indian context, the mother especially develops her identity from her parenting role, so the loss of the intimate role can result in a crisis for her. Kenneth calls this ‘Relationship losses.’ It is experienced by couples in an empty nest situation.[14]

3.They expressed that for the first time in 40 years of their married life they stayed without children. The parents feel the “emptiness” of the nest. It is one of the crises faced by Late Adulthood according to Erikson’s Life Cycle Stages.

4. Both were affected with different kinds of ailments. Soodan says, “physical health has considerable influence upon an older person’s life as it not only influences his/her attitude but also affects his/her emotional and social beings”.[15] Williamson made it clear that physical disability may lead to emotional stress, which may result in the manifestation of anxiety with agitation, restlessness, hopelessness, and even depression.[16]

5. They said that they wanted to spend their old age in their own house. Clement states that for the aged, particularly a ‘home’ is not just a place where one eats and sleeps; frequently, it is also the locus of one’s identity.[17]

6. They said that they wanted to be gathered at their relative’s graveyard. Dorothy says, ‘the frequency of thinking about death increases as age advances and fear of death is also likely to increase with age”.[18] Peck argues this through his third developmental task.

7. The arrival of their granddaughter – Santrock says that grandparents are a source of emotional self-fulfillment, generating feelings of companionship and satisfaction. And grandparents are source of biological reward and continuity.[19]

Coping for Empty Nest Stage/Situation

Clinebell suggests that couples need to do three things to discover their creative possibilities of the Empty Nest:

l The first is to face, talk through, and resolve the big feelings, including the grief that accompanies any major change in one’s life situation.

l The second aspect of creative coping is to actively develop new possibilities and fresh options that are open to you as a couple.

l The third aspect of creative coping is to invest some of the time and energy that the empty nest has now been made available in developing and enjoying your own individual talents and interests.[20]

Clinebell says that couples need to make the happy discovery that the “empty nest is actually crowded with possibilities.” He suggests the creation of empty nest enrichment groups among older couples.[21]

Empowerment of Elderly People in the Indian Context

They need to love and be loved. They need friends and companionship.
They need to be useful. They need to be active in keeping with their ability.
They need adequate income for food, clothing, shelter, health, and other miscellaneous things.
They need recreation along with an opportunity to entertain as well as be entertained.
They need to continue to grow through mental stimulation, keeping up with the time and learning new facts.
They need to develop positive thinking about old age.
They must socialize with their own age group.
They have to keep themselves pleasantly occupied and comfortably busy, both mentally and physically.
They need to be an integral part of normal life of the family, church and society.

A Few Tasks for Elderly People

Adapting to change
Adjusting to decreasing physical strength and health.
Adjusting to the death of the spouse.
Establishing satisfactory physical living arrangements.
Involving one’s life into perspective (evaluating)
A tendency to overcome guilt.
A sense of fulfilment for life.

Pastoral Care and Counselling for Elderly People

Old-age couples need help in strengthening communication and revising their priorities and values. Clinebell says that T.A. is useful to many late-year couples in crisis counselling. Because many people have been playing destructive Parent-Child games for years.[22]
The pastor has to instruct and educate the Christian community in regard to its responsibility towards the older people/older couples.
He/she should play a major role and initiate the congregation to understand the needs of the aged and motivate them for companionship.
He/she can organize a small group of aged people within his/her parish for fellowship, relaxation, and prayers.
He/she can arrange Holy Communion service for the aged people who are immediately in need. He/she should listen to their words patiently, comfort and give hope for their eternal life.
The pastor insists that Christian families should be aware of the deep spiritual needs of their aged members. They especially need assurance of God’s continuous love and protection towards them, which will release anxiety about illness and fear of death.
They need physical care, emotional care and need to be loved.
They need adequate income for food, clothing, shelter, medicine, and other miscellaneous items.
They need to be an integral part of normal life in the family, and in the church as well as in the society.
Personal involvement with the aged parishioner is of extreme importance.
An empathetic understanding and listening to their grievances and their stories.
An elderly person confronts his/her own dying and death. The pastor has the major role of providing pastoral care and counselling to those who are dying and those who are bereaved.

The Response of the Local Church

The Church and society should find ways and means by which the aged couple can be helped to find meaning and significance in their lives.
Santrock says that social support can help individuals of all ages to cope more effectively. Social support can improve the physical and mental health of elderly people. Social integration plays an important role in the lives of older people. Being alone and socially isolated is a significant health risk factor in elderly people.[23]
The Pastor should play a major role in this neglected part of the ministry among the church.
The church must be an advocate for maintaining programmes and policies that will secure benefits to the elderly people, especially to the elderly poor, the Dalits, and the isolated.
Legal assistance and supportive service have to be provided for the elderly people.
The Church should be aware of the deep spiritual needs of their ageing members. The elderly people need the assurance of God’s continued love and protection, release from anxiety about illness and fear of death.
Elderly people have the right to live a peaceful and dignified life.
Special care is taken so that these people do not feel abandoned.
Regular spiritual gatherings and workshops are also arranged for these elderly people.

Conclusion

In India, in spite of Western influence and the values of modernization, aged people are respected for their knowledge and experience. But this is slowly declining because of the impingement of modern values. One wishes and prays that the younger generation will still continue to uphold certain traditional values and not throw the baby away with the bath water. It is meaningful and therapeutic to recognize the aged people's worth, dignity, value, and integrity. Let us uphold and strengthen the system in order to build up individuals and families by giving adequate place for the aged people in our lives, recognizing that the empty nest period might be the most difficult period in anyone’s life.

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[1] Joseph George, “The Changing Pattern of the Family in India: Contemporary Explorations,” in The Changing Pattern of the Family in India, edited by P.D. Devanandan and M.M. Thomas (Bangalore: CISRS, 2007), 12.

[2] Paramjeet Kaur Dhillon, Psycho-Social Aspects of Aging in India (New Delhi: Concept Publishing Company, 1992),32.

[3] A. Mahajan, Problems of the Aged in India (Delhi: Mittal Publications, 1987), 1-2. (Here after cited as Mahajan, Problems of the Aged in India)

[4] R.S. Weiss, The Experience of Emotional and Social Isolation (Cambridge: IT Press, 1973), 19.

[5] Dorothy Rogers, The Adult Years An Introduction to Aging (New Jersey: Prentice-Hall, Inc., 1979), 287. (Here after cited as Dorothy, The Adult Years).

[6] Dr. Leslie Noronha, Ageing in India (Delhi: ISPCK, 2022), 11.

[7] T.L. Brink, “Gerontology”, in Baker Encyclopedia, edited by David C. Banner (Michigan: Baker Book House, Grand Rapids, 1985), 462.

[8] William H. Clements, Care and Counseling of the Aging (Philadelphia: Fortress Press, 1983), 13. (Here after cited as Clements, Care and Counseling of the Aging)

[9] http:/www.allaboutlifechallenges.org/empty-nest-syndrome-faq.htm. (accessed on 16th October, 2008)

[10] Duvall, Family Development, 425.

[11] A. Mahajan, Problems of the Aged in an Unorganized Sector (Delhi: Mittal Publications, 1987), 3.

[12] Names are changed for maintaining confidentiality.

[13] Kenneth Mitchell and Herbert Anderson, In All our Losses, All our Griefs (Philadelphia: The Westminster Press, 1983), 35. (Here after cited as Mitchell, All our Losses)

[14] Mitchell, All our Losses, 35-46.

[15] Kripal Singh Soodan, Aging in India (Calcutta: Minerva Associates Publications, 1975), 90-93.

[16] James Williamson, “Aging”, in A Dictionary of Pastoral Care, edited by Alastair V. Campbell (London: SPCK, 1987), 9.

[17] Clements, Care and Counseling of the Aging, 30.

[18] Dorothy, The Adult Years, 395.

[19] Santrock, Life-Span Development, 638.

[20] Howard J. Clinebell, Jr., Growth Counseling for Mid-Years Couples (Philadelphia: Fortress Press, 1977), 67. (Here after cited as Clinebell, Growth Counseling)

[21] Clinebell, Growth Counseling, 68.

[22] Clinebell, Growth Counseling, 74.

[23] Santrock, Life-Span Development, 640.